I’m finding that with my pregnancy this second time around has really shifted into a strong desire to be private and keeping all the details between myself and Brian. It’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for both of us in the sense that it is extremely hard for us to talk about or share our birth story with others when we had Bunny. Usually we just say, “Oh we had a really long labor” or something along those lines and leave it at that.
I am so thankful that Bunny was born perfectly healthy and everything was physically fine for us both. But the experience has left a lot of emotional scars. It has been so bad for me in that I cannot even talk about it without crying when I see my mid-wife.
At our last check-up she told the both of us to write down an honest-to-goodness account of Bunny’s birth story. One that completely shares our feelings. We won’t read each others stories until we are both done so as not to influence the other. She wants us to write our story so that we won’t bring those same fears and feelings with Nagini’s birth.
The funny thing is that I already have Bunny’s birth story written in her baby album. It’s much more emotionally neutral and now I find myself struggling putting honest words on the screen. I’m also really curious to see how Brian’s is turning out because I know that he has been avoiding and having a hard time with this too.
Hopefully it will put us in a good mental and emotional direction this time around. We have until next week to get it all written, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will be able to break through this barrier together.