As I’ve been working my way through grieving, I have looked at things to distract me from so much thinking. I’ve played tons of board games with my family and friends which has helped, but at night I was having problems turning off my brain and sleeping.
I don’t play many games on the tablet or the phone, but I found myself turning to match-3 style of games. Games like Bejeweled or Frozen Free Fall. I got my dopamine hit with pushing the screens and watching the little gems fall away.
It was crazy. I was obsessed with it for a good week and a half before I realized several things.
- I felt awful when I took a break from the screen. My head ached and I felt really lethargic.
- I was ignoring my family. Because you mentally think oh it’s just one more minute and then you realize just how many total minutes have been wasted/gone.
- I was looking forward to the next “life” timer. When I needed to replenish I would impatiently wait for it.
- I realized this was not helping me deal with my sadness and was giving me other problems of wasted time and energy, too much obsession over a game that will have no impact on my life, and it went against everything I preach/talk/write about.
So, I ended up deleting everything off my phone and tablet and at first I was going through withdrawal and regret, but I recognized that grieving is normal and I needed to take a step away from unhealthy behaviors.
Since then I’ve taken a hard look at how I spend my time. I don’t want to invest time, energy, and/or money into things that don’t bring me happiness or fulfill me and my family. It’s still an ongoing process, but I think this is a good step in the right direction.